Sunday, September 15, 2013

Dark Days Of Autumn Rain

Down a shady shimmering sleepy road in the early hours of a quaint little town in Southern Utah, I traveled. Small rustic cabins, coffee shops with a bohemian feel set among the brilliant golds and rose colored leaves in a full blown fall-colored dream.  Add a back drop of 300 foot sandstone bluffs as I drove thru the beehive state.  Perfect weather, as I noticed the leaves were starting to fall yet the wind played with them a bit before they landed. I was thinking that if you could "see" music, this would be an incredible romantic soundtrack and this is my life.

Having seen the sign for "espresso" I pulled over to a cozy establishment.  Now armed with fresh brewed coffee and a still-warm homemade pumpkin muffin, I set back on the road. Off into the melodic landscape with an incredible sense of freedom. A new adventure awaited, the autumn colors of Colorado and I had 5 days that I could call my own.  I had never seen Colorado before.

As I drove through the Southern Utah backroads, the candy-colored leaves kicked up and swirled all around my SUV in the wind as I drove.  This was a moment, one of those moments that you become intensely aware of your surroundings.  A moment in time and in your heart. The here and now, alive and present sensing your own destiny. I felt warm and happy and so lucky for this freedom. I felt the love and smile of my mother. I was conscious of my own "smile" back.

I'm a reluctant city girl. I see the city as grey and uninviting. A constant reminder that I could be somewhere exploring, something incredible. I often wear my hiking shoes to work. I drive to work four days a week in the dark of the early morning hours, past strip bars and street people showering in the sprinklers. Concrete under my feet and the colors my eyes are drawn too are that of graffiti murals and endless mindless banners and signage for things I care nothing about. For me, the city is a illness that I constantly plan my escape from.

This trip changed my thinking, I've decided to leave the city and leave the city, I will. It may take months, it may take years but I will leave. And I will find a place that inspires that sense of warmth and well being that exists outside of the grey.

I passed thru a little farming town, not sure what the name was. Green manicured lands that went on forever,  flower boxed windows and windmills. Cows and horses leisurely grazing. A dog sitting next to a dog house watching my car drive by. The wind was waving the fresh laundered clothing hanging on a wire and running its airy fingers through my hair swirling and dancing around my open window.

This isn't someone else's world. This isn't someone else's dream. Not someone else's song. This is my world and I choose the colors and I'm taking grey out of my palette, however long it takes.