Monday, October 15, 2012

Dark Days Of Autumn Rain

Down a shady shimmering sleepy road in the early hours of a quaint little town in Southern Utah, I traveled. Small rustic cabins and coffee shops with a bohemian feel set among the brilliant golds and rose colored leaves of a full blown Fall colored dream, add a back drop of 300 foot sandstone bluffs.  Perfect weather and as I drove, I noticed the leaves were starting to fall yet the wind played with them a bit before they landed. I was thinking that, if you could "see" music, this would be an incredible romantic soundtrack and this is my life.

Having seen the sign for "espresso" I pulled over to a cozy little establishment. Armed with fresh brewed coffee and a still warm, homemade pumpkin muffin I set back on the road. Off into the melodic landscape with an incredible sense of freedom. A new adventure awaited, the Fall colors of Colorado and I had 5 days that I could call my own and had never seen Colorado.

As I  drove through the Southern Utah backroads, the candy colored leaves kicked up and   swirled all around my wind.  This was a of those moments that you become intensely aware of your surroundings, you're moment in time and your heart, the here and now. Alive and present right now.  One of those moments where you sense you're own destiny. I felt warm and happy and so lucky for this ....freedom.  I felt the love and smile of my mother. I was conscious of my own "smile" back.

I'm a reluctant city girl. I see the city as grey and uninviting. A constant reminder that I could be somewhere exploring...something incredible. I often wear my hiking shoes to work.  I drive to work four days a week in the dark of the early morning hours, past strip bars and street people showering in the sprinklers.  Concrete under my feet and the colors my eyes are drawn too are graffiti murals and endless mindless banners and signage for things I care nothing about.  For me, the city is a sickness that I constantly plan my escape from.

This trip changed my thinking,  I've decided to leave the city and leave the city, I will.  It may take months, it may take years but I will leave.  And I will find a place that inspires that sense of warmth and well being.

I passed thru a little farming town, not sure what the name was.  Green and manicured land that went on forever...flower boxes and windmills. Cows and horses leisurely grazing. I saw a dog sitting next to a dog house watching my car drive by and wind was waving the fresh laundered clothing hanging on a wire. 

 This isn't someone else's world, this isn't someone else's dream, this isn't someone else's song. This is my world and I choose the colors. I'm taking grey out of my palette, however long it takes..