Monday, May 25, 2009

One Sad Day

My best friend of 18 years left today... I held her in my arms and told her how much I loved her. She left peacefully. She gave us 18 years of incredible happiness. For me, she was my closest companion and at times I thought she was my soul mate, because she had the ability to give such great comfort.

Her health had been deteriorating for the last year. Many times as I drove to the vet I wondered if "this would be the day" but she hung on. I said, I would know when it was time by the look in her eyes and that's what I saw this morning. She needed my help, she needed to go.

Her quality of life in the last few days was not what I would have wanted for her but I selfishly held out hope that things would turn around even though I knew they wouldn't. I still now struggle with the "what if's". What if tomorrow she was suddenly the dog I used to know. It was just last week that she could still run around and look silly. But today...was almost a week of her barely eating a thing.

As she slept in the vet's office, just seconds before they said she was gone. I had this image of my mother holding her, they both looked in good health and they were heading down a another life. I wispered in her ear to wait for me, I'll be there someday.

For now,  home is incredibly sad. I've been here before, time takes the edge off and memories make you smile but life will never be the same.